Monday, December 15, 2014

Saying Goodbye

Hello! Ugh. Email's are so strange. I dislike them more and more each week because I don't feel like I can really ever convey how I feel about my mission in words. I guess I have become a word hater on my mission... haha or maybe I just need to learn more words, so that I can express myself better... who knows? It's been such a blessing to be a sister training leader with my trainer... I love her so much. And she goes home in 2 days! I knew I was excited to be her companion again, but I didn't expect it to be so hard when she left. It's hard to have someone you love and look up to be going home. She has been my role model my whole mission! Because of her dedication and her love of this Gospel. Each lesson we taught this week, I was nearly in tears. Pathetic, I know, haha but I just had so many flash backs about when I was first out on my mission, and we would teach the restoration together, and how I would stumble through the First Vision.. and she would just fix everything I did, by powerfully testifying. I feel so lucky that I was able to be with her on her last transfer, because I know exactly how I need to end my mission. Mom and Dad, I can't WAIT for you to meet Sister H! Her example really has changed who I am. So despite all the tears this week, mostly on my pillow... haha it was a GREAT week!

We went on exchanges, and I was able to take Sister C back to our area, and we were working on inviting people to be baptized. That was so fun to see how God really did put people who were prepared in our path! I have never met a sister who was filled with more love.. She's the kind of sister that  just makes you feel like a grinch, because she just loves everything and everyone! haha I know I am not a grinch but still... :) 

We had a lesson with Darlene who has been abused for 10 years :*( It's so sad as she talks about what she has gone through and how she turns to alcohol to fix it all. Well, she had her pastor call her and tell her not to read the Book of Mormon, and that it was an EVIL book... Well... That's how the lesson started out she was hysterical! "WHO'S MORMON? WHY DO YOU WORSHIP MORMON?, WHY DID JOSEPH SMITH HAVE SO MANY WIVES? WHY DON'T YOU WORSHIP GOD? WHO IS LEHI??? IF YOU GET RID OF THE BOOK OF MORMON, I'LL GET BAPTIZED!" We just sat there patiently... Then she continued... "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ABUSED? HOW AM I STILL ALIVE? WHY WAS MY SON KILLED? WHERE IS HE NOW? CAN THE BOOK OF MORMON TELL ME THAT?" All that the spirit told us to answer was "Darlene I know that your son's happy." And then.. the whole mood changed. Darlene jumped up and grabbed my companion and kept saying "You know me!!! YOU KNOW ME!!!" My companion was pretty confused.. we both were.. and Darlene was in tears.. So I decided we ought to just pray with her. She insisted we all hold hands, and I offered a prayer, and while I prayed, she just sobbed. It was the most adrenaline filled lesson I have ever been in. From so much contention, to so much love.... We were spiritually drained after that lesson. And it kills me that we have ALL the answers to  what people need, but they just aren't willing to listen. But I don't know why the spirit wanted us to tell her that simple phrase, but it is just a testimony to me that God knows his children, and knows what they need. Her concerns will be answered in time, but I am just so grateful for the spirit I have felt while being a missionary.

This week we kept busy. We taught 11 less actives, and are getting them pumped to go through the temple. We also had powerful lessons with our progressing investigators. After reading the Book of Mormon with our investigator, Kim, she felt the spirit so strong, she opened up to us and told us very personal things. I love how the Book of Mormon pulls down people's barriers, and that she was able to tell us her concerns. She said she isn't sure if the good feelings she is feeling ares just because she is going to church and reading the scriptures and God is proud of her for doing good things, or if it's because God's telling her this is truth and the only true church.

I wish I had more time to tell you in detail my whole week!! haha We had a Christmas party, and TONS of non-members came...

 Sigh... It was just a good, emotional week.

 A scripture really helped me. 1 Nephi 17:13 "And I will also be your light in the wilderness, and I will prepare the way before you if it so be that ye shall  keep my commandments, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led before the promised land, and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led"

I feel kinda lost for some weird reason. Maybe it's just emotions because of transfers, and because I feel like I'm losing my best friend... perhaps because I NEVER want my mission to end. But I trust Heavenly Father, and I trust that he knows what I need! So I'll keep on trucking, and working hard, and try my best to dive into this work, and be a leader in this mission. And I know that my promised land awaits... :) And that all is well... :)  My companion told me something this morning in studies that REALLY hit me. She was talking about the song "I Stand All Amazed" and there is a line that says, "confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me" And we talked about how true that is. We cannot comprehend why Jesus Christ loves us so much.. .and why he did all that he did. But I know that I am SO grateful. I am so indebted to my Savior, and I am so excited to continue and serve him with all that I have, and to see what changes he can make in me. And perhaps maybe I can follow the example of my trainer, and then I can also endure well :) 

OH! And I forgot to tell you what's happening to me! I am staying in San Luis Obispo 2nd ward with Sister A. She's great! She's from Georgia, and we came out at the same time! Pray that I won't be too emotionally shot when Sister H leaves haha! I am excited for sister A, but Sister H is irreplaceable. 

Love you all!!!
Love Sister Kaylea Collings!!

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